The Good, the Bad and the Randy
by Jet556
Summary: Featuring all your favourite characters! Having recently recovered from a mental breakdown, a sleep deprived Niall Warburton drifts off to dreamland when his class watches a western. In his dream, Niall is a partner of outlaws "The Cunningham with No Name" and "The Weinerman with a Name if only he would remember it. Unfortunately, he is also wanted by Sheriff Bash Johnson and co.
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome everyone to my new fan fiction! I'd like to start off with saying that when I wrote the last chapter of "Killer Chimps in Norrisville" I did not intend to end the story with Niall having a mental breakdown. Ultimately, I ended up looking at Niall for the first time since the first time. He has trouble talking to people, his family treats him not so nicely, he has a crush on Theresa who has a mutual crush on Randy and thus Niall's love for her is doomed to never be… Yeah, I don't think giving him a mental breakdown by having him betray his pacifistic morals would change anything from how sad an OC Niall is. All that to make sure Niall is not Mary Sue. He is truly one of a kind, which is why I wanted it to be his head that these dream stories take place in. Enjoy and review.**

**Showdown**

Perchance to sleep, to perchance to dream… Niall sat between Randy and Theresa in class. He had just recovered from his mental breakdown and already his parents had sent him back to school. His unsympathetic older brother Robert had pointed and laughed at him as soon as Niall walked in to school. Needless to say, no one was amused with Robert laughing at Niall for having suffered a mental breakdown.

Niall had barely gotten any sleep the night before. He was so tired!

Everyone, well not exactly everyone but most people, looked at Niall differently. The teachers still treated him just as his parents did but some students whom had previously been jerks to him had softened quite a bit. Howard Weinerman and Ken Finlayson had softened quite a bit. There were still some people who were jerks to Niall, Bash Johnson for instance, but for the most part the other students were actually acknowledging that Niall wasn't exactly born into a nice family.

Coughing a bit, Niall looked around. Randy and Theresa were talking to one another they weren't even acknowledging he was there. Niall was too tired to care.

Then Mr. Whoever pushed a television on a cart into the room. Niall could only remember the names of so many teachers, there was some whose name he wouldn't remember but this guy looked like he was on loan from a Roald Dahl book.

"Okay, students, since we've got seventy-five minutes and no work for the day we'll be watching a movie!" There was a cheer from all the students save Niall. His body was screaming for sleep yet his brain kept telling Niall to not sleep in school. "We'll be watching 'Showdown!'" The students all groaned. Niall didn't even care he just stayed silent like he usually did. "No respect for the classics!"

Niall rolled his eyes. No respect? If anything his family had no respect for him!

Five minutes into the movie, Niall drifted off to dreamland!


	2. Chapter 2

**Welcome back everyone. As much of this story is a dream, there will be many weird moments. Once per chapter to be precise! The most notable will be the opening of this chapter. Enjoy and review.**

**Why'd it have to be Goats?**

There is nothing worse than being trapped in a building filled with goats that want to kill you. Such was the situation Niall Warburton was in. As he barricaded himself inside a room while all those goats tried to force themselves in he stated to wonder how he ever got himself in this mess!

He had come into town to buy some jerky and the next thing he knew, Niall was here! Terrible thing wasn't it?

Niall was a partner of outlaws Randy Cunningham and Howard Weinerman, however due to his pacifistic nature Niall just collected the loot. There were known as the Cunningham with No Name, the Weinerman with a Name If Only He Could Remember It and the Warburton with No Voice respectively.

The goats started to break through the barricaded door! Niall's eyes widened in fear! What were they feeding these goats?

Running to a window, Niall opened it only to have someone fire a gun at him. The someone in question was Bucky Hensletter, one of the two deputies of Sheriff Bash Johnson. The other was Ken Finlayson, a fellow with a face that only a mother could love.

"You're not going anywhere, Warburton!" Bucky proceeded to give an evil laugh. Coming from him, an evil laugh sounded absolutely ridiculous.

Niall looked at the goats breaking into the room. He then looked at Bucky outside. It was either death by goats or death by Hensletter. Decisions, decisions!

He jumped from the window landing on a board situated on a log. Bucky was standing on one end of it. Landing on the other end of the board, Niall sent Bucky flying into the building filled with bloodthirsty goats. Unfortunately, he didn't expect a goat to jump out the window after him!

Landing on top of Niall, the goat proceeded to stamp its hooves on his back. It hurt but it could have been worse.

A gun fired. The goat fell dead.

Looking up, Niall saw Howard standing before him. He looked less them impressed. "This is getting really old, Niall."

Really? Niall didn't often get stuck in a building with killer goats! But then again, either Randy or Howard ended up having to save their pacifistic partner.

Bucky stuck his head out of the window. "I'll get you for this, Warburton!" A goat then pulled Bucky inside by the pant leg. Screaming could be heard.

Howard's mouth was hanging open. "Did I miss something?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Welcome back everyone. Didn't expect this, did ya? Enjoy and review.**

**Merry Men of the West**

Times were hard. Some people didn't have a lot of money. Those who did were usually on top of the social totem pole! They were usually taking what little money the unfortunate already had! So it was up to Randy, Howard and Niall to bring that money back to the unfortunate!

Now, there was one place in the town that Niall frequented the most. A music hall was that place. Why did he frequent that place the most? Well, because there were showgirls! There was one showgirl in particular and her name was Theresa Fowler.

Niall had a crush on Theresa and he always made sure that she got a bit more of the money than everyone else. If he could ever get over his speaking problem he'd probably tell her how he felt. However there a better chance of a monkey jumping out of Bash Johnson's but.

Niall walked into the music hall. He looked over at the owner Julian. Allegedly he was Theresa's brother but Niall couldn't see it. Julian was a person that Niall didn't associate with. He was quite mad.

Julian waved Niall over. Indeed he did walk over.

"You know the rules, Niall." Niall rolled his eyes. Always those blasted rules! "The first rule is that you have to pay for the show, the second is that you have to pay double the amount just so you can see Theresa." Julian gave a little laugh. Niall was not amused. Julian must have been aware of how Niall felt about Theresa. Why else would he be asking for Niall to pay twice, with the second time being twice the amount of the first payment. Sure enough, Niall did pay but if he weren't a pacifist he would have punched Julian in the face. "Thank you."

Sticking out his tongue, Niall walked up to Theresa's room. As he walked by, he caught the eye of one of the other patrons: Ken Finlayson.

Ken was one of Bash Johnson's two deputies the other was Bucky. Ken usually came to the music hall to see Howard's sister, Heidi, whom he had an on-again, off-again relationship with. Today, it seemed that him seeing Heidi would have to wait. Today, he took brought in one of those three outlaws.

Taking out a gun from his pocket, Ken followed Niall. Unfortunately, he tripped and accidentally pulled the trigger.

Instead of a bullet, Chinese letters came out of the gun. The letters flew through the air and hit Julian. Julian then turned into a frog.

The moment Julian turned into a frog, Bucky had walked in. He looked at his fellow deputy with an expressionless face.

"Well, he's a frog!" commented Ken.

Bucky picked up Frog Julian. "We've got to find some great wizard to turn him back!"

"Why? I like him better this way!"

At this point, Bash walked in. Seeing his deputies discussing a frog he simply took the frog from Bucky's hands and squished it to death with one hand! A disgusted look mixed with shock appeared on the faces of the deputies.

The Sheriff then pointed at Ken. "Where is Julian?"

"Uh, you just squished him."

Bash looked at his hand. "Oh." He then proceeded to wipe the frog guts on Ken's shirt. "Uh, you're the new music hall owner!"

The mixed look of disgust and shock on Ken's vanished. This was great news! Really yipping big news! He could see Heidi whenever he wanted now! Never again would he have to pay Julian! And even better Niall was in their grasp now!


	4. Chapter 4

**Welcome back everyone. Enjoy and review.**

**How Do You Explain This?**

Ken walked up to Theresa's dressing room, Bash and Bucky behind him. Now that he was the owner of this fine establishment it was only natural that he lead the way!

A lot of things were on Ken's mind right now. Heidi, his new job, Heidi, buying black shoes instead of painting his shoes black, Heidi, seeing Cunningham and his gang tarred and feathered, etc.

As they approached Theresa's room, Heidi came out of her own. Ken and Heidi both smiled at each other.

"There is my Dance Hall Queen!" The two embraced and kissed. "Guess who is the new owner of this place!"

Heidi raised an eyebrow. "What? You? But what happened to Julian?"

"Oh, I turned him into a frog and Bash squished him." Heidi was speechless. How was she supposed to react to something like that? Ken had turned Julian into a frog, who was then squished by Bash. This was weird. This was really weird. "Uh, I'll explain it to the best of my abilities, my love." Sure, how would Ken explain that he accidentally fired his gun and Chinese letters came out of it that turned Julian into a frog? "Maybe… Over dinner?" Bash placed a hand on Ken's right shoulder and squeezed. Bash was a strong person and he was nearly breaking Ken's shoulder! "So sorry, Heidi, but we're off too arrest Warburton!" Bash removed his great hand from Ken's shoulder. The three then walked past Heidi who only ended up following them. If they were going to arrest poor little Niall then this would only end well. They barged into Theresa's room and almost immediately Niall had guns pointing at him. "Hello, Niall! Guess who the new owner of this place is! Me! Which means you are hereby banned from my establishment!" Ken let out a cackle that caused him to sound like a vulture with a mohawk, flaring nostrils and big goofy eyes. "In the most painful way possible!"

Bucky and Bash both stared at Ken. They were here to arrest Niall not to kill him. Use him to lure out the other two! Ken shot Niall in the shoulder and, thankfully, a bullet came out of the gun knocking him out Theresa's window.

"Niall!" Theresa ran over to her window. She looked down and saw a wagon full of hay but no Niall.

"Don't tell me I killed him!" Ken pulled Theresa out of the way and stuck his head out the window. Niall was missing.

And then Niall came falling from the sky and pulled Ken out. Bucky then walked over to the window and stuck his head out. Neither Niall nor Ken were down below. Then a silent Niall and screaming Ken came falling from the sky. Ken grabbed Bucky who only ended up being dragged from the window. Finally it repeated with Bash being dragged from the window. Theresa and Heidi both walked over to the window and there was Niall, Ken, Bucky and Bash all in the wagon full of hay. Bash, Bucky and Ken were all lying down looking confused. Niall was climbing out of the wagon, giving a Theresa a wave, whom waved back with a smile.

Niall didn't even get two feet when he felt himself pulled from the ground by a great hand around his neck.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Captured by Bash. How could things get any worse?


	5. Chapter 5

**Welcome back everyone. Enjoy and review.**

**Why is the Statue Talking?**

Randy and Howard listened to Theresa's story. If Niall wasn't a pacifist he would have been able to get himself out of Bash's grip but now he was in jail.

In the clearing where Randy, Howard and Niall made their hideout there was a statue of Bash. Why? Who knows?

"Okay, so Niall has gotten himself captured for the third time this week…" Randy's comment caused Howard and Theresa to both nod. It was common for Niall to get captured but it was just as common for him to escape without hurting anybody.

"Then lets just let him escape by himself." Howard sat down on a rock. "He's done it before, he can do it again."

"Bash is going to have Niall tarred and feathered in a hour, Howard." Theresa dabbed at her eyes with a piece of cloth. "He can't escape that fast."

Randy scratched his head. "Yeah, and besides he only escaped because we were occupied with something else."

"Randy Cunningham, listen carefully!" Everyone looked at the statue of Bash. It was speaking with the voice of Debby Kang. Why was it speaking with the voice of Debby Kang? "Niall Warburton will be tarred and feathered by the evil Bash Johnson." Well, this was ironic. "I'll watch over you, now go Randy Cunningham." What? Was it a guardian angel? Was there something the person having this dream didn't know? "You are Randy Cunningham… 'The Cunningham with No Name.' You will fight the good fight."

Well, that was weird.


	6. Chapter 6

**Welcome back everyone. I don't know how I'll top the weirdness of the previous chapter so for now I'll just reference another popular animated series made using flash. Enjoy and review.**

**Lee Ping**

Niall sat in his cell reading a book. It wasn't the good book, just a book. Where had he gotten it? Well, he had pulled it out of Bucky's ear. Normally, Niall pulled out coins or eggs but never had he pulled out a book!

It was quite good. It was about a guy who wakes up one morning and finds himself turned into a lizard-dragon-snake thing called a Tazelwurm. This was better than Kafka!

Niall had gone through that four hundred and fourteen page book in twenty-nine minutes! He couldn't put it down! He had to know how it ended!

The guy who had been turned into a Tazelwurm crawls under his bed and dies…

Who wrote this? The book had been great until the final page! Was the final page even written by who wrote the rest of it?

Niall looked at the cover. He just had to know the name of the author so he could write a strongly worded letter about this book's ending!

There were a lot of words on the cover. Finally, he found the author's name in tiny letters at the bottom right corner of the cover.

"Wait, who's this? Lee Ping… Lee Ping?" Niall was naturally shocked. He wasn't usually vocal due to his problem talking to people but since no one else was present that problem was gone. "Lee Ping? Lee Ping! Oh my gosh, Lee Ping! Oh my gosh, its Lee Ping!" Niall laughed a bit. "Lee Ping…"

On the porch of the jail, Bucky looked from the book he was reading. Ken looked over at him.

"What?"

"I thought I heard something…"

"Like what?"

"A voice with an accent that was half-Indian, half-Ghanaian."

"You must have been imagining things."

Bucky nodded. He must have just been hearing things, there was no one around with an accent like that!


	7. Chapter 7

**Welcome back everyone. Enjoy and review.**

**Kill All Babies**

Lying on the bed, Niall just waited to be tarred and feathered. He had never been tarred and feathered before. What would it feel like?

"Get up, Niall!" Why did Bucky have a voice such as that? It could grate cheese! "There is a holy man who wants to see it."

Bucky walked into view and the holy man was merely Howard with white powder on his hair, a fake beard and wearing a nice suit. Well, this was interesting.

"Ah say, boy, Ah have questions for you!" Howard was putting on a southern accent. He passed a sheet of paper and a pencil through the bars.

Niall to them and looked at the sheet of paper! It had a question and then three options on it.

The question was "Who enslaved the Israelites?"

The Aztecs

The Egyptians

The Midianites

Well, that was easy! It was the Egyptians! Niall circled the answer then handed the sheet of paper to Howard.

"Ah have another for you, boy!" Howard then passed another sheet of paper through the bars to Niall.

"The King of Egypt told the Hebrew midwives to:"

Kill male babies

Kill all babies

Look for Moses

Niall's eyes widened when he saw the second option. "Kill all babies?" He was actually taking a multiple-choice quiz in jail and one of the possible answers was "Kill all babies?" And that wasn't the right answer so it was clearly something Howard came up with to stall for time. "Kill all babies!"

Niall handed the paper to Bucky and pointed at the second choice. Just like Niall's, Bucky's eyes widened in shock.

"What is wrong with you, preacher?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Welcome back everyone. Enjoy and review.**

**Howard Gets Stoned**

Bucky kept staring at the question. What madness was this? Who put something like that on a multiple-choice test?

Within a dash, Howard hit Bucky over the head with a chair. Immediately, one of Bash's two deputies fell unconscious. Howard then knelt down and got the key to the cell door from Bucky's belt.

Niall looked at Howard with questioning eyes. What kind of a question had that been?

"Oh, come on! You would have put something just as ludicrous down!"

Did Howard even know Niall? Did Niall even know Howard that well? Since when did Howard use the term 'ludicrous'? Just Howard saying 'ludicrous' was ludicrous! What kind of a dreamer was Niall?

As soon as the door was unlocked, Ken ran into the jail. Howard quickly went for his gun when he saw that Ken was unarmed and had no gun on his person.

"Come now, Howard! Would you really shoot an unarmed man?" Ken had a point. If Howard were to shoot Ken, then Howard would start coming across as a murderer and not the merry robber he and his two friends were.

"A shoob like you? Unarmed? That's a laugh!" Howard also had a point. When was Ken ever truly unarmed?

"Indeed it is!" Ken ripped is shirt open and a fireball shot from his naked chest.

Clearly, a sleep deprived Niall was capable of having such dreams as these. The only other time he had dreams like this was if he were sick.

The fireball hit Howard in the right leg and it turned into stone. Niall's eyes widened, Howard screamed in horror and Ken gave a deliciously evil laugh!

"Okay! Look! Ken, please you like my sister, right? Well, if you let Niall go, I'll take his place."

Ken stood there for a few minutes. What did that have to do with Heidi? How would Howard taking Niall's place make Ken's relationship with Heidi better than it already was? Finally, he stopped thinking and shot another fireball from his chest at Howard. This time, Howard turned to stone entirely.

Shaking from fear, Niall walked back into the cell. Ken relocked the door and sat on the unconscious Bucky. An unconscious Bucky made a good seat and sitting on his back didn't hurt Bucky's face in anyway. He wouldn't mind.


	9. Chapter 9

**Welcome back everyone. Enjoy and review.**

**Strange Background Event**

The Ken and Bucky were preparing to tar and feather Niall! People had gathered around to watch! Bash was standing on a stool while behind him a dinosaur could be seen stepping on a space ship on a farm. There was no way to comment on that.

Bash was holding a piece of paper in one hand. Clearly, Bucky or Ken had written a speech for him. This would be entertaining.

"Citizens. Of. Norrisville." Bash wasn't much of a person for reading. "I. Bring. Niall. Warburton. To. Be. Tarred. And. Feathered." The speech had not been written that way. Bash just happened to be so stupid that he read ever word as its own sentence. How he ever became Sheriff was a mystery. It was at this point that Bash looked up from the paper, or rather looked down at Niall. "Any words before you get tarred and feathered?" Niall just spat at Bash, getting him right in the mouth. Bash was so disgusted that he started spitting on the ground to get Niall's spit out of his mouth. Bucky and Ken laughed along with everyone else at Bash's misfortune. When Bash had finished spitting, he stepped down from his stool and grabbed Niall by the neck. "New plan! I'm gonna beat ya!" Niall swallowed nervously and Bucky backed away.

As for Ken, he walked over to Heidi and hugged her while looking over at Niall. "I sincerely hope you'll survive this, Niall." He said. "We both do."

Bash was about to bring his fist into Niall's face but it never came. Something had come flying, and hit Bash in the head. "Ow!" Letting go of Niall's neck, Bash fell to the ground unconscious.

Standing there was Randy. He had thrown a rock the size of a booby's egg. Next to him was Theresa. With a great big smile on his face, Niall ran over to Theresa and hugged her.

"You okay, Niall?" asked Randy. Niall gave a nod. "Good, you really scared us this time."

Niall walked over to Bash and did a triumphant dance on his unconscious body. That had been too close but thankfully, Niall had been saved yet again so he wouldn't be in any terrible pain caused by the idiotic brute Bashford Johnson.

Randy and Theresa held hands and looked over at Niall. This was perhaps some beginning of a realization that Randy and Theresa had a mutual crush on each other, leaving no place for Niall in Theresa's heart.

How bittersweet!


	10. Chapter 10

**Welcome back everyone. Well, this is it. The ending for this story! My next story will be another dream story titled "Randy Marks the Spot" this time with a pirate theme and featuring the usual weird stuff and musical numbers. Also this chapter introduces Niall's older brother Robert. Enjoy and review.**

**Brotherly Love**

Opening his eyes, Niall looked around. Where was everybody? Where was the teacher? Where was Randy? Where was Theresa?

They had left him alone! They had forgotten all about him.

"Well, well, welly, well well!" That voice! Shaking, Niall turned his head and in the doorway was his big brother Robert. Robert Warburton was sixteen years old he had red hair, grey eyes and brought the term 'big brother' to a whole new meaning. He was both taller and more muscular than Bash Johnson and considering Niall only came up to Howard's chin, Robert most definitely towered over his little brother. "All alone, no one to protect you… And I don't have to make your death seem like an accident." Robert just screamed future criminal. Before Niall could even get up, Robert was behind him and was strangling him with a gym sock.

Was this the end of Niall Warbutron?

Of course not!

"Step away from the 9th grader!" As much as Bash was a bully, he did have standards. He'd never try to kill anyone.

Standing in the doorway was Bash and his crew. Understandably ticked off, Robert stopped trying kill Niall and threw the gym sock at Bash. It landed on Bash's face.

Placing a hand on his little brother's shoulder, Robert bent down and whispered to Niall. "This isn't over. Mom and Dad did give the order and specified it be down outside of the house!"

**The End**


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